Place your bets!

Get thee on the next Southwest flight to Vegas, since Delaware never legalized full sports gambling, as the baseball gods have spoken to me!  I shall pick the winners, so we can just skip the 2011 season, and you can get right to your winnings!  Wait, that’s the Phillie fans’ approach…they signed Cliff Lee, so go put your beach chair on Broad Street and reserve a spot for a parade, right?

You know I drank my Haterade, but I’ll explain why the talking heads on ESPN are all wrong (it’s a four-letter network).

Let’s start with the NL and the Phils.  They put all their chips into starting pitching, and it will bite them in the ass.  While the Yanks and Rangers were in a bidding war for Cliff Lee, the Phils sneaked in at the last minute and pulled a fast one.  It turned out to be a blessing in disguise for the Yanks, since they were offering way too much money and way too many years for a 32 year old starting pitcher.  Meanwhile they let one of their better hitters leave as a free agent…not that I blame them since I wouldn’t pay him $25 million per year either.  But they did nothing to replace him.  And with Utley out, there’s zero pop, and nobody to protect Ryan Howard.

Besides, it’s an odd year.  Even years, Lidge is lights out.  Odd years Lidge is just awful.  In ‘09, he was blowing saves like a Kensington hooker.  So they gave the closer role to Jose Contreas?  He’s Cuban and 39, which means he’s at least really 42.

Prediction: One of the Phillies starting pitchers will either have a losing record, or will have 10 losses.  Again, the baseball gods have spoken.  Let’s face it, this rotation was 0-8 in the postseason last year.  Are we to think they overachieved in ‘08, and have just been lucky lately?

How about the rest of the NL?  I really don’t follow them much.  I know the Pirates will continue to suck, but we already have a team in Kansas City, so they can’t use that city as leverage for a new stadium or they’ll move.  Too bad they already have a new stadium.  I like what Milwaukee has done, getting Marcum and Grienke…they’ll give everybody a run for the money.  But being a typical east coast asshole who thinks there’s not much 15 miles west of I-95, here’s what I’ll say about the NL East.  2nd place is up for grabs.  OK, the Mets and the Nats probably don’t have a chance.  (But I’m picking the Nats for 2012.)  Florida and Atlanta are getting better.  Your first place team?  The Atlanta Braves.  There, I said it.  I see a veteran-heavy team with the Phils that won’t be able to hit their way out of a paper bag.  Sure pitching wins games, but what did Seattle win with Felix Hernandez?  Hell, even HE couldn’t win a game himself.

NL West?  Now I’m pulling stuff out of my ass.  I love Don Mattingly.  But with the whole McCourt divorce situation, they’ve been hampered from making big moves.  Maybe next year for them.  But since  I love Donnie Baseball, I’ll predict Giants, Dodgers, Padres, Diamondbacks 1-4.

Now to the American League.

The AL West?  You mind as pull out a dart board.  Pick numbers out of a hat.  You get the idea.  I say Oakland (for now) Athletics.  They’re scrappy, and I have a hunch.  I like Nolan Ryan as an owner, but he needs more time to put his stamp on the team, so this won’t be their year, especially since they didn’t land Cliff Lee.  Again, that was a blessing in disguise for them, as they’ll have cash to spend.

Central?  Even more of a crap shoot.  White Sox?  You can put it on the booooaaard…..NO!  Here’s a gimme: the Twins will have a better record than the Royals.  Sorry, love their single-A Blue Rocks, but the Royals haven’t done anything to improve.  I hate going with the crowd, but the Twins are a really good team, and I don’t think the Tigers have what it takes to beat them.

Finally, my AL East.  This is easier than you think.  From last to first:

Toronto Blue Jays – They’re the odd man out.  I have to put them somewhere and I’ll officially pick them as last, but they will definitely finish no higher than third.

Tampa Bay Rays – The Manny Ramirez/Johnny “Captain Caveman” Damon reunion will be a disaster.  Where are you going to put those two on Astroturf for 90 games this season?  (I know how to count, 81 home plus 9 in Toronto).  Their knees are as old as the retirees in Florida.  I love David Price, but one really good pitcher on a crap team is the Seattle Mariners, or the ‘72 Phils.  Besides they lost their closer.

Baltimore Orioles – Buck Showalter knows how to get the most from his team.  They were on a tear after he took over last year.  And they signed Vlad as a DH.  Their lineup is legit from top to bottom.  Is their pitching good enough, or can they make a mid-season move for a pitcher?  I’m adamant…3rd place finish…or better.  They could even take the wild card.  It all depends on the…

Boston Red Sox – Don’t believe the hype the Boston-biased ESPN continues to spew year after year.  This is NOT Boston’s year.  Sure they signed Adrian Gonzlez and Carl Crawford…two great additions.  But that only corrects for the failed experiment that was 2010 where they played defense.  Lowell’s bat retired, so if anything, they improved by half a batter.  No big whoop.  Boston’s pitching is suspect, as well.  Lester is good, but the best starter is Bucholtz.  Lackey is a joke, and Matsuzaka is in his last year in a Boston uniform. Where they finish depends on Beckett.  If he’s good, they’ll be in 2nd.  If he stinks like the Charles River, expect the Sox to drop to 3rd.  Papelbum is also playing his final days in Boston, which is why they picked up Jenks as insurance (a slight improvement, if any). (The Yanks picking up Soriano to be an over-priced set-up man for Mo kept him off the Sox, a brilliant move by the best general manager in the game, Brain Cashman.  Okajima’s also slipping as well.  And how well will a skinny non-doping David Ortiz really be?  See Jason Giambi…

That leaves the Yanks in first.  95 wins.  Bank on it.  I didn’t want to see Petitte retire, but his numbers as a 4 and the warm body they threw out last year as a number 5 can be made up by Freddy Garcia and rookie Ivan Nova.  Jorge Posada as a DH?  I’ll take him.  Eric Chavez and Andruw Jones off the bench?  Classic Cashman picks off the scrap heap.   AJ Burnett will have a turn-around season…put him down for at least 15 wins.  A-Rod will have an MVP-type season, as will Robbie Cano and Mark Texeira.  Jeter will break 3000 base hits (hopefully the game I’m at in June).  A strong bullpen.  How many Hall of Famers will be playing for this team this year?  This team on paper is strong.  A healthy team, a team that wins series, they can make a push for 100 wins and go deep in the postseason.

Asking me to pick the World Series is like asking me to fill out an NCAA bracket.  I’ll pick the Yanks and UConn every time, and eventually I’ll be right.  That’s what ESPN does, throwing  diarrhea of the mouth on the wall seeing if anything will stick.  But I have a good feeling about both.

So if you happen to run into a Phillies fan at the office, walking down the street, or at the Wawa, tell him to go get his beach chair from Broad Street.  Besides, what will the poor schlub use when he goes down to Wildwood?

Justice is a dish best served cold.

OK.  Let’s get it out of the way.

Ding! Dong! The witch is dead! Which old witch? Christine O’Donnell, that’s who!

I’ve touted the virtues of living in Delaware in the past.  Quick recap: low property taxes, no sales tax, lower housing prices, convenient location along the Northeast Corridor…a good value if you ask me.  But as I’ve lived in this state for over a decade now, I’ve learned more about the way things are done here.  Like how the state can be very swift to respond and cater to businesses.  Essentially you have a state of three counties, and when you need to get the powers that be together on short notice, really, if they’re in the state, how far apart can they be?  An hour or two?  Just yesterday, Governor Markell and Alan Levine met up with the M&T chairman regarding their takeover of Wilmington Trust, showing the benefits of what Delaware has to offer.  M&T made the announcement that day about the takeover.  Later that day, Markell was stumping on my street for the Deomcratic ticket.  (Yeah, politicians are a little busy this time of year.)

While I’m a registered Democrat, I’ve always been open to voting for Republicans that would do good for the state.  Tip O’Neill said it best.  “All politics is local.” Delaware had a proud history of moderate candidates that played things down the middle, and were hence rewareded at the polls handsomely.  Like Mike Castle.

Here’s a guy who was previously undefeated in any election he ran in.  He was loved by both sides of the aisle.  He was a shoe-in for the senate seate vacated by VP Joe Biden.  When it was announced that his son Beau wouldn’t run Senate (yet) and would rather serve a second term as state Attorney General, what would have wound up being one of the most fierce battles in the state didn’t happen.  Instead it looked like it would have been a decent battle between New Castle County Executive Chris Coons going against Castle, a race that Castle would most likely win.  This was the plan the state Republican party wished.  A clear path to move Castle from the House to the Senate, rewarding him for his decades of public service. 

Many political races have fringe candidates.  Hell, I’d probably be one myself if I were to run for office.  But the beauty of democracy is that you can put the fringes on the ballot, and nobody has to vote for them.  Well, we had a hiccup this year.  While many thought it was a forgone conclusion that Castle would run for Senate, Christine O’Donnell forced a primary against the wills of the state party.  To her credit, she rallied the troops in slower lower Delaware, while up here where normal people live, they were complacent.  And with a state with closed primaries, I couldn’t vote against her.  So she eeked out a victory against Castle.  Good for her.  Except that she’s a wack job.

While I may agree with the so-called Tea Party that the current political scene may need a shake-up, just putting in any warm body you find on the street isn’t the best answer.  Christine O’Donnell was a horrible candidate, plain and simple.  Where to begin?  OK, she used campaign funds to pay her rent on her townhouse.  That’s not kosher.  She didn’t know freedom of religion was guaranteed in the first amendment.   She couldn’t answer who she’d look forward to working with if she were elected.  (How about the other senator from Delaware, Tom Carper?) 

And then there’s the good stuff…the Bill Maher tapes.  Here you have a candidate that gets most of her support from ultra-conservative Christian Sussex County, and you can’t even respond to how you “dabbled in witchcraft”???  You couldn’t respond to the issue, dismiss it, and put it to bed?  Oh, you put out a commercial that says you’re “not a witch” as you sit against a dark background with long straight hair.  All that’s missing is a hat and a wart on your nose.  And you supposedly did PR???

And the childish behavior by O’Donnell and her staffers is just plain hilarious.  She didn’t like what the Wilmington News Journal said about her (probably because the truth hurts) so she banned reporter Ginger Gibson from covering any of her events.  What, if you don’t like what they say, you’ll take your ball and go home?  (I wish.)  If anybody in the press corps asked critical question (how could they not), you respond by saying you’re “one of the thugs Chris Coons sent”?  REALLY??? 

You said you’d stop doing the national news circuit to focus on the local media, yet you continued to go on Fox News, and wouldn’t make yourself available to the News Journal. 

Your campaign wanted to sue WDEL because they recorded the interview you did with them in their studios, saying you’ll “crush them”.  SERIOUSLY???  ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???  Did you really think you’d wind over New Castle County voters by attacking their news station?

Let’s see…I’m having a hard time paying my bills.  I want a higher paying job.  I should run for senate.  I have no real political experience, but if I win I get a posh six-figure salary, awesome benefits, and I can retire with those government benefits after six years!  Hell yeah!  We all should become senators!

Between the paid/unpaid tuition bills to Fairy Dickinson, to squandering campaign donations to pay her rent, to her childish antics on the campaign trail, Christine O’Donnell was an embarrassment to the Republican Party and to the state of Delaware.  Is it no surprise that the party wouldn’t fully endorse her, let alone Mike Castle?  I’m sure he’s having the last laugh.

The Summer of Suck Continues…or Why I’m No Greasemonkey…

There’s no need to bore you with the details of this entire Summer of Suck, because I don’t want to lose the tens of people that actually read this blog on a sporadic basis.

We’re such a car culture.  And you can’t get away from them when you’re living in the burbs like me.  I liked the idea of buying a new car, because you put in gas, make payments, do the occasional oil change, and you’re good to go.  But a few years later, and your new car is no longer new, and things start to go on it.  Brakes.  Tires.  All kinds of stuff. 

So I brought in the good car (read newer) for an oil change and a tire rotation, and it was overdue for both.  Well the guy brings me out and shows me the front struts are leaking, and that will be a couple hundred to replace.  I declined at the moment, because it took them way too long to do the stuff they did do, I really wanted to go home, but most importantly, I knew the other car needed some major work done.  But there was a burnt out bulb, and I didn’t even know it.  Usually I’d just go to Pep Boys and get a six dollar bulb and do it myself, but I figured ten bucks for them to do it meant it would be worth four bucks to me…a good value. 

So a few days later I brought in my vintage Plymouth (they don’t even MAKE Plymouths any more) knowing I needed an alignment, as it pulled to one side.  The screeching it made earlier this summer went away, as those were probably the last of the front brakes screaming for help.  But the absolute shaking the car had when I drove down the street gave me this fear that my front tire would fall off on I-95, and that would really suck.  So I gave in and brought it in.

You have to understand.  What’s a stud like me driving anything made by Plymouth.  It must be a Prowler, right?  Well, not really.  They late model Voyager is a great for trips to Home Depot and is a great station car (something to go back and forth to the train station), but now I’m driving to work, I’m actually putting some miles on it.  I don’t break 5000 on a bi-annual inspection.  But a car with no payment is worth its weight in gold when times are tough. 

You know you drive an old car when the mechanic says that tires and belts need to be replaced due to dry rot.  OK, if I didn’t have a low tag number, I’m only a few years away from qualifyting for antique ones.  So between that and brakes and an alignment, I put in close to blue book value.  Something I better not do for a couple more years. 

So my head nearly exploded early this morning when I was out fighting crime and I noticed I only had one headlight.  Now I’m one of those guys who’s mortified if one of my bulbs is blown.  It’s not that I’m afraid of being pulled over…it’s just that you need them, it’s an easy fix, and I look like a dirtball with a blown bulb.  Now I’m not a mechanic, nor do I play one on TV, but I can do BASIC maintenance.  I can do windshield wipers.  And I can change bulbs. 

Back in the good old days (when cars were made of metal), I had no problem changing the headlights in my Monte Carlo.  Pop the hood, unscrew the screws, pop out the headlight, pop a new one in.  And it was the whole headlight that came out.  Plunk down $20 and I could do it in the parking lot in a few minutes.  Now with these new fancy aerodyanmic cars, the headlight is back in this huge casing.  The good thing is that it’s just a small halogen bulb, not much different than one you’d find in an Ikea lamp…and it was only $12.  Great!  The bad part is it’s no small task to get to where I could get my fat fingers to where I could get at the bulb itself.  I had to remove the grille of my car.  Seriously.  The grill has fancy shiny plastic pieces that separates the headlight casing between the headlight and the turn signal. 

So after a few trips getting tools from the garage, I got the entire thing apart.  After some prying and prodding, I finally got the bulb out, and the new one in.  At this time a small crowd gathered to watch me work.  My daughter did the old trick of honking the horn when I was elbow deep into the car, and she thought of it herself.  I don’t know how I pulled my arm out unscratched, but she sure thought it was funny.  My wife came out and wondered why it was taking me into my 2nd hour to change a freaking light bulb.  Insert your own punchline on how many hot headed degos it takes to change a lightbulb here…

But being the smart fellow that I am, I figured let’s make sure this thing works before I put it all back together.  So picture this…I have a super bright halogen bulb dangling from the side of my car, and a four-year-old “helper”.  I turn the headlights on, high beams, low beams, and off.  Just that quick.  No more than a couple of seconds.  Then my helper tried to grab the bulb and put it back in the car.  Well, that sumbitch must heat up real fast, as the blister on her thumb will tell you otherwise. 

So let’s reacap.  Mr. Cheapo attempts to save yet another trip to a mechanic, attempts to be manly by fixing the car himself, and burns his daughter in the process. 

And in the shitstorm that is the summer of 2010, this was nothing….

Another brilliant idea. I’m full of them!

Imagine swimming in one of these?

I’ve been saying for years now that I’m an idea guy…big on ideas, poor on execution. 

I first read a few years ago that some uber-hipsters took a 30 yard trash dumpster, put in a pool liner, and created a night club/country club/oasis on the banks of the Gowanas Canal.  I’ve only dreampt of being cool enough to think of going to such a place.  The cynical New Yorker in me thought dumpster, Gowanas, toxic waste…you do the math. 

So now they’re going to put one on Park Avenue.  Not Park Avenue around the corner from where I grew up…I mean THE Park Avenue.  In Manhattan.  And who are they appealing to?  The industry mogul that’s too lazy to head out to the Hamptons?  What, the pool at the Waldorf Astoria is closed for renovations? 

While a 30 yard dumpster is essentially a rectangular above-ground pool, I figured why not improve it?  Go bigger.  And again, use something that’s relatively available.  Ocean containers.  40′ open tops, to be exact.  OK, open tops are much rarer than standard boxes, but there is no roof…there is no need cut the roof off a standard container.

Now the benefit is not only can you dive in (not from a board, but you can do laps!  Most of these dumpster pools are for cooling off, not serious swimming.  Sure, it’s not Olympic sized, but you get the drift.  Fill one side with sand to raise the floor to create a “shallow end”.  You can bring them into the neighborhoods and teach the kids to swim. 

Ahh…the 40′ open top container pool…I’ll leave it to the engineers and bean counters to hash out the details.

A double-header like no other…

OK, any jackass that knows me knows that I’m a die-hard New York Yankee fan.  Today, George M. Steinbrenner, principal owner of the Yankees passed away at 80.  Two days prior, long time public address announcer of the Yanks and the New York football Giants, Bob Sheppard, also died at 99.  We all knew both were in poor health, but even still, it’s the unexpected announcement of hearing the news that can catch you off-guard.

Let’s go in sequential order. 

Bob Sheppard was known as the voice of God. Even as a little kid, listening to the Yanks on my Sony transistor radio under my pillow on WABC with Phil Rizzuto and Bill White doing the play-by-play, you could always hear the announcements at the home games. 

“Now batting…number 23…Don…Mattingly…number 23…” 

Bob Sheppard was as much a part of Yankee Stadium lore as the legends on the field, and the dead ones watching overhead.  Even as a kid, it sounded like my grandfather was making the announcements…a nice, soothing, voice.  Dignified and proper.  I never met Bob Sheppard, but I can tell that he stood and walked as straight as an arrow.

It’s absolutely amazing that Bob Sheppard was the public address anouncer for so long, that he announced Joe DiMaggio as a player.  There’s all those stats that real journalists will spout off…the number of games he worked, the number of post-season games and World Series games…a whole lot of victories, and a whole lot of history.  He saw the good times, and the bad.  And he was the one constant.

When I was a kid, my first favorite station was 66 WNNNBC.  And back in the 80s, they had a jingle package called Nothing But Class.  And I can’t think of a better term for Bob Sheppard.  

—–

George Steinbrenner bought the Yanks from CBS the year I was born.  The team was on hard times, and was run into the ground.  His number one priority was to restore the winning tradition to a once-great franchise, no matter the cost.  He didn’t do this for himself; he did it for the fans.  Because without the fans, there’s be nobody to watch his team.  But it’s not about profit, because Steinbrenner did something that most owners didn’t do: he put the money back into the team.  It’s not that he was living like a pauper.  He did extremely well, turning a $10 million investment into a billion-dollar empire. 

And who can criticize Steinbrenner for doing what he did?  His desire to amass rings wasn’t so he could brag to the other owners.  (OK, maybe a little bit.)  It wasn’t to see if he could get more than Yogi. (He didn’t).  But it was his generosity to give back to the fans, his fans, the greatest fans in the world.  Steinbrenner made moves and trades and deals to constantly improve his team.  Granted some worked and others didn’t.  And while no manager or team could ever win all 162 regular season games, they all had the same goal.  Win the last game of the World Series.  And that they did seven times during his tenure as owner. 

Now there are the anecdotes of hastily made decisions like the love-hate relationship with Billy Martin as manager.  Or one of the infamous Seinfeld quotes, “How do you trade Jay Buhner???”  But the further away we got from that 1978 champion season, and even more, that World Series loss in 1981 to the Dodgers, the more desperate Steinbrenner got to find that silver bullet…that proverbial home run, that could hit home runs.  He wasn’t soley responsible for building that dynasty in the late 1990’s; Stick Michael was perhpas the most influential.  But the journey from the slim times in the late 80’s/early 90’s (anybody remember the first game of the doble-header where 12 people showed up?) to the Torre era took a long time, but it happened.  Which is why I can’t stand how other teams criticize the Yankees for their success.  They were drawing twelve fucking people at a game, and built it slowly but surely.  Hell, if the Rays can do it, I don’t want to hear any shit from Pittsburgh or Kansas City. It should be every team’s goal to win the World Series.  But if you’re not going to realistically field a World Series-caliber team, then what’s you plan to improve???  And why do fans support teams that aren’t committed to winning?  Profit and championships are not directly related.  But winning teams will bring in more money than you and I will ever see, so isn’t that enough?

Yet, I digress.  By the time I got out of college and sstarted buying partial season ticket plans, tickets were still easy to come by.  And from my vantage point in the upper deck, you could see the wings get filled up year after year.  And even after winning four World Series in five years, and then a little lull of not winning it all, the fans still drew.  Over four million in the last four years at the old Stadium.  It was those fans, those patrons, those customers, and those watching on TV at home, or listening to the radio while painting the house, or streaming video online…it’s those fans that Steinbrenner was serving.  He wanted to put out the best experience for his customers.  It’s basic business.

They talked about replacing the old Yankee Stadium back in the 80’s.  I remember feeling distraught…how can I root for a team that plays in Jersey?  (Can you tell I didn’t follow football as a kid?)  And while I originally thought they could renovate the old Stadium and add all the luxuries and conveniences of a modern ballpark, I realize that it would have been damn near impossible.  But the monument that was built across the street, the Stadium that George Steinbrenner built for his fans, is how he has shown his gratitude.  And for that I thank him for the House that George Built.  How fitting that it replaced the House that (George Herman) Ruth built.

—–

I can’t recall a time where two Yankee greats fell so close to one another.  It’s a sad day in the Yankee Universe.  And I’m sure there’s going to be new monuments in Monument Park shortly.  Two of the greatest forces in Yankee history have been silenced, but their legacy will live on for generations to come.

Triskadekaphobia?

Run!  Get cover!  The sky is falling! It’s FRIDAY THE 13th!!!

Many people are afraid of the number 13, as it supposedly brings them bad luck.  Sure, there’s that whole movie franchise.  Others, on the other hand, embrace it, as to stick it to the bad karma.  Me? I’m somewhere in the middle.

Now while I have borderline OCD when it comes to the superstitious rituals I did during the Yankees World Series run, I also know that what hat I wear, what mug I drink my coffee from, what color underwear I choose has absolutely no bearing on the outcome of a game, especially since I’m not the one on the field.  But correlations get made especially when over 60% of the time I’m getting favorable results, and while it can be fun, I know it’s completely ridiculous.

So is the fear of the number 13.  Actually, I had no choice but to drop the whole thing, or I’d never be able to leave the house.  When I first moved to Delaware, the apartment complex’s mailing address was actually on US 13, a road I take every day.  I work on the 13th floor, even though this building has two half-floors in between, so I’m really 15 floors above the street, but I’m still pressing a button next to the number 13.  Again, I’m not about to move or quit my job over this.  I can’t be bothered to have a fear of the number 13.

But when I was a kid, on the first soccer team I played for, I wore 13.  We finished in last place.  We were winless.  So maybe there’s truth in all of this?  What was A-Rod thinking picking 13?  Well, two years later, I was on a first place team, and it took A-Rod a few more years to get his World Series ring.

But I’ve been home sick today.  And the doctor’s diagnosis?  Bronchitis.  Probably would have been a cold if I went yesterday.

The real food comparison for New York/Philly bragging rights

Now while I’m a born-and-bred New Yorker, I’ve been in and around Philly pretty much since 1997.  While I used to hate the place when I first got down here, and left twice only to be pulled back in (hell, you go to where the jobs are), I’ve gotten used to the place.  It has its quirks, and some good qualities about it, but it’s no New York.  It’s no comparison. 

There’s a whole lot of shtick in the newspapers on how New York can try to improve cheesesteaks (My answer: they can’t.  If you want one, hope in your car or take a train ride.), or how Philly can improve pizza (My answer: again, they can’t.  It’s the local water that makes the dough perfect.).  And still, there’s two things down here that don’t improve the two locality’s mainstays, just something different: (cheese)steak as a topping on pizza is one thing I haven’t seen in New York, and it’s pretty fucking good.  And I’ve once had (down here) a shop that made a reuben cheesesteak.  Yes, corned beef on the griddle, chopped, with Swiss.  It’s not a cheesesteak by any stretch, but a good gutbuster.

So there’s no point in putting pizza and cheesesteaks head-to-head.  New York makes the best pizza, and I wouldn’t dare buy a cheesesteak outside a 25-mile radius of the Liberty Bell.  It’s comparing apples to oranges.  There needs to be an apples-to-apples comparison.  Hoagies vs. heroes?  They’re both sandwiches, and it’s just semantics.  Philadelphia cream cheese is something you put on New York bagels, and goes into New York cheesecake. 

There is one thing that both cities love, and can brag about: soft pretzels.  They’re quintiessential New York, and quintiessential Philly.  They’re the same, but different.

philly.com

The shape of the Philly pretzel is what throws the out-of-towners for a loop.  They look like soft pretzels, but were squished together.  I joke that they look like they didn’t have enough baking pans and too much dough, so they squished them together.  What they really resemble are Philly row-homes.  What happens is when you break them apart, the long edges don’t get a full dousing with lye, and don’t get the crust.  It’s not quite like when you pull the knot apart, and it’s all soft inside; it’s somewhere in between.  They’re usually sold in multiples, or you can buy the whole office a box of them.  And now chains of pretzel bakeries are springing up all over Philly and the surrounding burbs.

Now the New York pretzel is very New York.  They have a traditional pretzel shape, and are BIG, just like everything in New York.  Where are they made?  It’s none of your business.  How long ago?  Why are you asking so many questions.  But what makes them good is them they’re heated on a street cart over charcoal.  They take on a little of that lighter fluid and Kingsford flavor…a little bit disgusting when you put it in black-and-white, but it’s that warmth that gives it that little extra umph.  You can find them at your favorite dirty-water-dog street vendor.  So, life’s full of risks, and who knows when’s the last time that guy washed his hands, but hey, it’s New York!

Found on Dreamer7112's flickr

Oh, I’m really scared! Your hurt my feelings! As IF!!!

Well, in case you’ve been living under a rock (and according to a former classmate on facebook, she has been), the New York Yankees are playing the Philadelphia Phillies in the World Series.  Now if anybody knows me, I’m a die-hard Yankees fan.  I’ve been through the good and the bad.  I’ve been to probably 100 games at the old Stadium.  I watch just about every game on TV, or catch it on the radio.  When it comes to baseball, I’m no bandwagon fan.  I can’t say the same about hockey or football, but that’s not the point here. 

Anybody who knows me knows there’s hardly a time I don’t wear a ball cap.  More often than not, it a Yankee cap.  Each year, because I’m a superstitious asshole, I buy a new one and wear it the entire season.  This year it’s a white one commemorating the inaugural season in the new Stadium.  I got it in April, and have worn it every day since.  Pay attention…this is important. 

In addition to the hats, I have a pile of Yankee t-shirts.  I own a couple jerseys.  Oh, and the pictures on the wall.  And the flag outside.  And a couple of jackets.   My wife got me a real nice Yankee jacket.  It’s the same one the team wears in the dugout.  And now that fall has finally come around, and it’s a little chilly in the morning, I’ve been wearing it for about three weeks now.  In addition to the same hat I’ve been wearing since April. 

Picture this with a Philadelphia background, and you get my drift.

Now I take the train in every day from the suburbs into Center City Philadelphia.  As I strive to be on time to work, and as a creature of habit, I take the same trains, sit in the same cars, and essentially run into the same people.  But now that the Yanks are playing the Phils in the World Series, they’re approaching me, and telling me how brave I am for wearing a Yankee jacket in Philadelphia.  Brave?  BRAVE???  Brave is running into a burning building.  Brave fighting in Iraq.  Brave would be wearing a klan robe in North Philly.  But I’m wearing a fucking Yankee jacket!!! Do these people really think that there’s a 90% chance that the crowd would beat the shit out of me if I actually went to Citizens Bank Park?  Are Philly fans really that dumb?

Do you really want me to answer that question?

 I’ve spent over five years in Boston back before they broke the so-called Curse of the Bambino, and in all that time, I’ve taken my fair share of heckling both inside and out of Fenway Park.  I’ve gotten in heated exchanges, but it’s never gotten into fisticuffs.  Good for me for knowing where to draw the line.  But I’ve been in situations, seen the line drawn, and know where to zip it if necessary.  Again, I still have a pretty face. 

Bottom line, the Philly fans still don’t know how to heckle.  While Sox fans will yell at you from across the street that “Yankees suck”, the only thing Phillies fans know how to do is mutter “Phil-ees!”  This is also the same crowd where the largest word they know how to spell is Eagles, but again, another topic for another time. I guess all these years playing in the National League with the Mets hasn’t prepared Phillies fans for a good verbal heckle.  (Damn, I never did write about my trip to Shitty Field!  I should get on that in the next couple of months!) 

Bottom line, Sox fans will tell you to your face that you suck, while Phils fans will just be obnoxious, but without the personal attack.  I guess there is some truth to the slogan “City of Brotherly Love”.

Blog Psychic, Episode 3

There’s a lot of chatter regarding the predictions for the World Series, especially down here in enemy territory.  Rare is it when the Post and the Daily News have the same back cover…SHUT ROLLINS UP!!! 

My evil plan would be that the New York Football Giants would play the Philadelphia Eagles on Sunday, and win.  And the twin-bill nightcap of Philly/New York, the Yanks would win Game 4 of the World Series for a sweep.  Now while I’m pretty confident the G-men will beat the Iggles convincingly, especially coming off a loss to the Cardinals, I wouldn’t expect the Yanks to sweep.  I say they do it at home in Game 6, which means they’ll do it in five.

But don’t count out the sweep just yet.  Go Girardi wouldn’t pitch CC Sabathia on Games 1 and 4 if he didn’t think he’d have a very good chance of winning them.  So let’s assume he does win both.  Game 2 is AJ Burnett vs. Pedro “Who’s your Daddy?” Martinez.  Pedro is older, and will have to work very hard against a Yankee lineup that will look at a lot of pitches.  I say he’s doesn’t make four innings.  The Yanks pounce on the underbelly of the the Phillies bullpen and win Game 2.  Game 3, Andy “Mr. Most Wins in Postseason History” Pettitte vs. a shaky Cole Hamels.  Get in Cole’s head, he’ll cough up runs, throw a hissy fit, and the game.  And look at that…a four-game sweep.

Game 2, 2004 ALCS

So you heard it here…book a flight to Vegas, and you can thank me later.  Hell, if the NFL didn’t dick over Delaware, you could have driven here instead.  Well, you could bet on the Giants, but you need two more games for the parlay (sucker) bet.

There's always room on the shelf for one more.

Nobody would be saying anything if it wasn’t the Yankees playing…

Oh my God!  The world’s coming to an end!  The sky is falling!  A major-league umpire made a bad call.

Game 4 of the 2009 ALCS had more “bad calls” than a usual game.  I’m not going into detail about Swisher and the pick-off attempt, Swisher and the tag-up, or Cano/Posada on third.  Or at least I don’t want to.

Let me first squash the conspiracy theorists.  The Yankees have not paid off the umpire squad.  They have not bought the World Series (yet, but they’re no different than the Red Sox…again another argument for another time). 

So-called “bad calls” are bad because we, in the confines of our living rooms, enjoy a view the umpires do not have.  There’s all kinds of cameras covering a typical baseball game.  I believe the YES Network employs no less than 17 at a typical Yankees game.  Hence, we, the viewing public, can enjoy MULTIPLE camera angles showing the action from different points of view, in super-slow-motion, and if you have it, in high definition. 

Umpires, on the other hand have a very different point of view of the action.  They’re at field-level, not tens of feet above the action like the cameras up on the middle deck or the outfield, up on the backstop, or even on top of the stadium.  Sometimes where they be may not be the best angle to see what really happened.  Take Nick Swisher tagging up on third.  The instant replay showed Tim McClelland looking down the line into left field.  He’s looking for the catch, not if Swisher left the bag early or not.  It’s impossible to be looking at two things at once.  Now I know some of you will say that umpires have “blue” eyes…one blew this way, one blew that way.  But seriously…

Or here’s an every-game example.  The batter hits a ground ball to short, he fields, and fires to first.  Where’s the umpire?  He’d behind the first baseman in foul territory.  He doesn’t have the best point of view to see when the ball hits the glove.  That would be somewhere inbetween the pitcher and the first baseman.  So the umpire looks at the bag to see when the batter hits it, and listens for the snap of the ball hitting the glove, and makes the call from there.  Bottom line, he doesn’t have a clear view of the ball.  But one of the TV cameras sure does.

I challenge anybody to come off the street and do what the umpires do.  They’re pretty much on the road for the entire season, unlike the players who are home for 81 games.  The umpires are standing the entire game in the heat or the cold.  And they’re expected to be the pope.

But for the most part, we wouldn’t even know if the umpires were even making bad calls if it weren’t for all the instant replays on TV.  Now I’m not saying all these camera angles are bad for watching the game at home.  But if Major League Baseball wants to expand the instant replay beyond the current home run call, there needs to be some serious structure in place, and it needs to be used sparingly.  While the guys in the TV control trucks do an excellent job getting the replays up, many times they’re being shown while the next guy is up to bat.  While I hate limiting the number of challenges the NFL has (so the coach can’t be right a third time?), games in the playoffs are long enough as it is.  Adding an extra two or three minutes here and there can really drag things out.  It’s bad enough when they add an extra 30 second commercial after every half inning for the national games as it is.

But what we really need, not right now in the playoffs, but say next year on some random game, is the umpire cam.  Fos has buried cameras in the pitchers mound, and we’ve even had “catcher cam”.  Why not make the umpire wear that mask, so we, the great unwashed, can see exactly what the umpire sees as he’s hunching OVER the catcher so he can see the plate to call balls and strikes. 

And to further the point, how many times do you see grainy black-and-white footage from decades back, and see umpires making “bad calls”?  They had, what no more than three cameras back then?  And none of them were in the outfield.

Sure umpires have a job that people love to hate, but it’s all part of the game we all know and love, that is baseball.

Got this on twitter last night...