Go West, Young Man!

So to my delight, waiting on my DVR this morning was Joe Torre on the Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien.  Some people will say that anybody, not just Torre, could have managed the Yanks to all those World Series.  I say no, because if that were the case, why haven’t they won any since 2000?

So I like Torre, and I like Conan.  This looked like perfect early morning viewing while I had my first cup of coffee for the day…quiet time on the couch, coffee and boxers, and everybody else still asleep, and something I actually want to watch. 

So Torre and Conan are going to play off each other, both having made monumental recent moves from the Center of the Universe, aka New York, to the Twilight Zone, aka Los Angeles.  Torre came out with a Dodgers coffee mug, cap, and jersey with Ted Williams’ number 9, and Conan across the back.  Can I just say how much I hate that?  I don’t wear Yankee jerseys with my name across the back not just because the Yankees stick to tradition and don’t put names on the, but because I DON’T PLAY FOR THEM!!!  And Conan didn’t play for the Dodgers. Now if it were an actual name/number combination of an actual Dodgers player (past or present), I could care less. 

But then came the west coast shtick.  Two shots of wheat grass, because “that’s what they do out there.”  I wanted to see the two of them pop the shots, but no.  This was a direct play on the State Farm commercial from last year, talking about Torre moving to LA from New York. 

Click here to watch the commercial so you know what the hell I’m talking about.

Now I’ve never been to California.  Hell, with the exception of a single trip to Vegas, I can count the number of times I’ve been west of the Mississippi.  So I can’t say I’ve experience the So Cal vibe.  So if I move there, that would be a big deal.

Now here’s where I get to call bullshit.  Any astute student of the game of baseball would know that before Joe Torre managed the Yanks, from 1985 to 1990, he was a TV analyst for the CALIFORNIA FUCKING ANGELS!!!  Now I think there’s an inferiority complex Anaheim has with Los Angeles, but last time I checked, THEY’RE BOTH IN CALIFORNIA!!!

And Conan, I’d never give you crap for being a die-hard Sox fan, since you’re from Brookline.  But your wikipedia page says that not only did you write for The Simpsons (which I knew), you also wrote for Not Necessarily the News (which I didn’t know).  Both jobs were separated by writing for Saturday Night Live.  So this is your THIRD stint in LA, is it not?

You just knew this was going to happen…

Sesame Street is the longest running kids show in history.  We all watched it growing up.  Now I’m back to watching it again, as I have a toddler in the house.  It’s pretty much the same with minor tweaks, new characters, etc.  Changes are expected to be made on the show that’s been running since before most of us were born.  It debuted in the ’60s, for Christ’s sake!

Back in 1998, the Children’s Television Workshop signed the deal with the devil and started to accept “underwriting”, or as normal people would call them, commercials.  Granted they weren’t in the middle of the show, but anybody with a heartbeat and/or pulse could see through the bullshit.  You can make any kind of touchy-feely commercial you want, but bottom line, they’re still shilling out the same old crap. 

One of the best is for McDonald’s, where the mother watches her daughter on the playground, saying how she likes to watch her learn/grow/explore/be all she can be (but not in the Army).   But it ends with the same old Golden Arches logo.  My daughter is no dummy.  She now asks for French fries.  At 7am.  Thanks a lot!!!

Source: MSNBC, Scott Olson / Getty Images

How dumb do they think we are?

I know I’ll sound like Andy Rooney, but I get all kinds of catalogues in the mail.  I found this ad.  The names of the innocent have been protected.

Who couldn’t use a portable expanding fence from time to time?  There’s a variety of uses! 

Keep you yip dog isolated from the rest of the house?  Sure. 

Keep the meddling kids from going up those stairs?  Well, if they weren’t dropped on their head as kids, they might find a way around it. 

But wait.  Where’s that unsightly trash can?  I can’t see it behind that portable expanding fence.

And unless your kid is Rain Man, he might find his way into the street.

Seriously.

Ho, hum. The Superbowl is over? Great. Time for more pressing issues.

Andy Milonakis hit it right on the head when he sang, “The Superbowl is gay.”  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8pxMXiYaNk It used to be that you’d watch the game for the commercials.  Now at least the games in the past two years have been compelling enough to actually watch them for themselves, but the commercials are god-awful.  I love to criticize commercials, and will do so in future posts.  But I’m too tired from staying up past my bedtime to watch the end of this game to mention that only the Castrol grease monkey had it all: an easy-to-understand spot, humor, and the right length.  I HATE commercials where, for example, the guy gets hit by the bus.  Funny.  I understand that no actors were actually harmed in the filming of this commercial.  So WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE TO SHOW HE’S OK???  Who are you appealing to?  What, the violent act of him being hit by a bus (stomped by a dinosaur, etc.) is OK if he winds up living???  No, if I’m walking down the street and somebody kisses the front bumper of a Septa bus, there’s going to be police, ambulances, and a lead story on the 6 o’clock news.  But this is a commercial, not a documentary.  It’s comedy.  Who are the suits appealing to?  I can understand that companies may not necessarily want a shock/cringe comic to do a commercial for them.  But this kind of stuff is harmless.  Nobody is having nightmares about runaway transit vehicles.

Now that football is out of the way, we can finally make way for spring training.  Because what’s more important than Opening Day?  Especially with a new Yankee Stadium coming online…as Derek Jeter said, it’s time to make new memories in the new stadium.