Hey Kellogs, do you not think we graduated third grade?

I may not be as bad as Seinfeld, but there’s typically a half-dozen boxes of cereal on top of my refrigerator.  More often than not, I’ll reach for the grown-up healthy stuff, but every now and then I’ll reach for the box of Froot Loops. 

I know I’ll sound like a girl here, but one of my favorites is Special K with Red Berries.  Since I eat my cereal dry (keeping the tradition alive for over 30 years now), I love the dehydrated strawberries.  It kind of reminds me of the astronaut food that was all the rage in the 1980’s. 

It’s delicious.  Nutritious.  So sacred it won’t dirty your dishes.  Wait, that’s Imus’ One Sacred Chicken to Go.

The thing I take issue with is the name.  Granted I appreciate it’s not called Estrogen in a Box.  But the term “Red Berries”?  How much do you have to dumb it down for the mouth-breathers?  You can’t use the exotic term “Strawberries”?  Even Cletus the slack-jawed yokel knows what the fuck a strawberry is.

Or is it that there’s a mixture of different berries in the red family.  Perhaps red raspberries?  Cherries?  Those little red berries on my evergreen bush?  Nope.  I checked the ingredients, and there are definitely no evergreen bush berries.

So Kellogs, if you’re paying attention here, why not change the name to Strawberry K?  Send me an e-mail and I’ll give you my bank account number so you can wire me the royalties. 

I get mine from Costco.