Some friendly advice…

Welcome to Philadelphia.  Now GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!!!

There’s days I just want to scream that. 

Spring is in the air, flowers are blooming, the skirts are getting shorter…that can only mean one thing: IT’S TOURIST SEASON!!! 

Tourist Season hits all major cities this time of year.  Some get it worse than others.  But locals dread it, especially if you work in close proximity to tourist attractions, like I do.  Now I understand how important the trouism industry is to the local economy, and there’s reasons they flock to Center City as opposed to say, Fishtown.  Or Times Square as opposed to Bed-Stuy up in New York. 

Now we’ve all been tourists when we’re not on our home turf at one point or another.  But here’s what you can do as Joe Q. Public as to not to piss off the locals. 

1. Walk with a purpose.  Not everybody is on vacation like you are.  Some of us have things to do, places to be.  You may be in the mood for a leisurely stroll, but I’m late for the train!

2. Don’t block the sidewalk.  I’m not advocating for marching single-file, but when there’s four of you house fraus lumbering down the sidewalk like you’re in a chorus line, somebody is going to knock you over.

3. Digital cameras are great.  Snap all the pictures you want.  But don’t stop short because you want to snap a picture of a trolley bus/homeless man/non-descript historic building.  Again, you’re going to get rolled. 

4. If you’re on a duck tour and quack at people walking down the street, you’re open season for any verbal insult or hand gesture.

Enjoy your stay in Philly (or fill in the blank).  When we see you going into the Hard Rock Cafe or Applebees because you’re afraid to try the local cuisine, or God forbid, something new, we’ll point and laugh at you.